Ahhhh... THE dress

Yes, I've found it. I didn't think it was possible but after visiting 8 different bridal salons, I have finally found THE ONE. Its simple, modern, different, beautiful and ridiculously expensive. Therefor, I've opened up a lemonade stand to help pay for the dress. Freshly made with concentrate and real water. $100/cup.

Compromising or giving up?

They say that marriage is about compromise but when does the compromising begin? Does it start when you have your first fight as husband and wife? Or once you've passed the honeymoon phase? Or does it start right from the wedding? Growng up, I've been led to believe that the wedding was all about the bride. It was about bringing the bride's fairy tale dreams to real life and everyone indulging her lavish wishes. But ever since I've begun this planning process, I feel like the wedding I'm working to build is nothing like the one I envisioned. To appease my parents, I gave up my idea of an intimate wedding, To accomodate the large number of guests, I gave up my beach reception. To follow the guidelines of the church, I gave up the song I wanted to walk down the aisle to. To stay within the budget, I gave up my dress. Sometimes I can fool myself to think that this is for the better but then there are times when I don't even know whose wedding I'm planning.

Mo' Money Mo' Problems

Ever since I started planning the wedding, its the only thing thats constantly reigning my mind. When I go out to eat, I check out the resturaunt's decor and think of ways I can apply it to my reception. When I'm shopping, I think of gifts my bridesmaids would appreciate. Even when I'm dancing at the club, my mind is keeping track of the playlist and wondering if the DJ has any experience at weddings. With all these good ideas filtering through my head, my wedding has become more and more elaborate which only equates to more and more spending. And after poring through magazines that promote the "necessity" of chandeliers and parasols and searching for photographers in the low thousands, my take on value of a dollar has become askew. Suddenly, a couple hundred dollars on flip flops so my friends can dance the night away in comfort doesn't sound unreasonable. Five hundred on candles and tulle - chump change. Its only when I forget about the wedding completely than I'm able to regain a normal person spender status. In the midst of $5000 luxurious silk gowns and invitations hand addressed by a professional calligrapher, how do you keep your head leveled and budget under control?

Almost lost my mind for a moment there...

Tonight I was in the lab at work, busy as a bee, programming my life away. So intent I am on getting my code to work, I somehow forget about weddings or planning a wedding or that I'm in a wedding. Until I see my email. Its the photographer that I've been dying to get. What? Photographers for $5000?? Who spends that kind of money for just one day? Oh yeah... me.

And so it begins

I think wedding planning hit me all at once. When I got engaged, I told everyone that I wasn't doing any wedding planning for a month - I just wanted to enjoy being engaged and get used to this rock on my finger. I held out a whole week before I created an account on theknot. Everywhere I went, everyone asked when the big day was, where I was getting married, where I was going on my honeymoon - the questions never stopped. Instead they piled on and before I knew it, I was asking myself the same questions. All of a sudden, I had so much to do. Frantically, I starting inquiring for places, prices, photographers, dresses, invitations - everything and anything. What were my colors, people wanted to know. What did my dress look like? What were the bridesmaids wearing? So many unanswered questions loomed over my head like a dark cloud and I frantically looked for answers.

But just as I was getting started, things started spiraling down. My perfect location was booked, I hated the dress I had bought the weekend before (another story for another day) and to top it off, the church couldn't confirm my date until September. All the ideas and plans in my head couldn't take shape so I did the only reasonable thing left to do - I began to panic.

I can only imagine how crazy I sounded on the phone to Mike. I don't know if it was my rants of how ten months wasn't enough time or my tirades of how everything was going wrong but Mike knew that I was not sound of mind. So during dinner one night, he brought out paper and pen and broke down the thoughts that had overthrown my sense of reason. He began to list things that we could do now without a date, things we could do once we had a confirmed date and things that had to be done eventually. He organized, he brainstormed ideas, he tasked both himself and me from our now-do list. And there, in the midst of pat-pingsoo and Korean pastries, I started to regain my sanity. Normally a level-headed person I realized that I had gotten ahead of myself and had let small setbacks become personal blows. And it was there that I fell for him all over again. My rock, my voice of reason, the man I couldn't wait to marry. I expect that before I walk down the aisle, I'll fall for him many times more. And a million more times after that.