| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| Rain Dance-Off | ||||
| ||||
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
He's Singing In Korean Part 2
OMG, this is hilarious! Stephen Colbert, you've got my vote as the most influential person.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Singing in Korea = Ultimate Love Song
Apparently, Stephen Colbert has had a long standing rivalry against Korean pop sensation Rain. In an effort to get a leg up on Rain for Time magazine's most influential people, he made his own Korean music video. Who knew there was such a heated battle between the two? Not I... and I bet Rain doesn't either.
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| He's Singin' In Korean | ||||
| ||||
Monday, November 16, 2009
My parents are great, beyond wonderful, totally awesome. They sacrificed so much to give me everything I need: good food, a cozy home, higher education, car, the list goes on and on. But one thing that my parents didn't prepare me for was the inevitable: the fact that one day I would fail at something.
Whether it be not making it on the soccer team or not getting that promotion, at some point we will all be faced with failure at some point.
But how do you prepare your child for failure? Do you even approach the topic? When I start off my three mile run, I always start on a slow pace. I fear getting too tired at some point. But what am I afraid? What's the harm in stopping to walk for a bit?
How do you prepare your child, yourself for failure? Do you stop yourself from wanting it as much? Do you just don't go for it? And when you don't make the team or get into the college you wanted, what do you do next? Magazines and Dear Abbeys tell you to dust off the failure and try again but its so much easier said and then. What happens if you can't dust it off? How do you get to the point where you can? An psyche is a fragile thing but if that psyche is broken, how do you put it back together again?
Whether it be not making it on the soccer team or not getting that promotion, at some point we will all be faced with failure at some point.
But how do you prepare your child for failure? Do you even approach the topic? When I start off my three mile run, I always start on a slow pace. I fear getting too tired at some point. But what am I afraid? What's the harm in stopping to walk for a bit?
How do you prepare your child, yourself for failure? Do you stop yourself from wanting it as much? Do you just don't go for it? And when you don't make the team or get into the college you wanted, what do you do next? Magazines and Dear Abbeys tell you to dust off the failure and try again but its so much easier said and then. What happens if you can't dust it off? How do you get to the point where you can? An psyche is a fragile thing but if that psyche is broken, how do you put it back together again?
Friday, October 09, 2009
Monday, October 05, 2009
Korean Cooking: Mi Yuk Gook
I've been experimenting with Korean cooking and I'm finally starting to get the hang of it. Of course, as soon as I think I've got one in the win column, I try to re-create the dish and it ends up flat. Case in point: mi yuk gook.
I tried two different techniques for the mi yuk gook. For the most part they were similar in taste, however recipe 2 took longer to cook but resulted in softer meat. I think you can remedy this in recipe 1 by cooking the soup longer.
Recipe 1 (courtesy of korean-cuisine.blogspot.com):
Ingredients:
* 2.5 cups dried miyuk (seaweed)
* 1 TB sesame oil
* 3 TB gook ganjang
* 1/2 TB minced garlic
* 1/3 cup beef (drained of blood)
* 6 cups of water
1 - Take 2.5 cups of mi yuk and break it into smaller pieces before adding the water.
2 - Then add some water and let it sit out for about 20 minutes. It will GROW.
3 - In a pot add 3 TB gook ganjang, 1/2 TB minced garlic, and 2 TB sesame oil.
4 - Add the 1/3 cup of drained meat and saute until it's cooked.
5 - Add the miyuk and stir it around for 5-10 minutes.
6 - Add the 6 cups of water, bring to a boil, and reduce the heat to medium-low and let simmer for up to an hour. You can adjust the flavor with more gook ganjang.
7 - Sprinkle salt, pepper to taste.
Recipe 2 (courtesty of maangchi.com)
Ingredients:
* 4 cups of soaked miyuk (1 cup of dried seaplant)
* 16 cups of water
* 4-5 tbs of gook ganjang
* 200 grams of beef brisket
* 1 tbs of minced garlic
* sesame oil
1 - Soak 1 cup of dried miyuk in a big bowl for at least 30 minutes.
2 - Drain the water from the sea plant and cut it into bite size
3 - Place the soaked sea plant(about 4 cups) in a big pot and add 16 cups of water and boil it over high heat for 20 minutes.(later you may have to add more water if the soup is too thick)
4 - Cut the beef brisket into bite size pieces.
5 - When the water starts boiling (about 20 minutes later), add the beef and 1 tbs of garlic. Boil it again for another 20 or 25 minutes over medium heat.
6 - Add 4 or 5 tbs of ganjang(add more or less depending on your taste) and drizzle a few drops of sesame oil before serving.
With recipe 2, I ended up needing more ganjang than the recipe called for. I thought if I cooked it longer the flavor would come out on it own without having to add any additional ganjang but I cooked and cooked and still needed to add more ganjang. However, all that cooking made the meat super tender - so good!
Conclusion: Recipe 1 was easier to make - mostly because I didn't need to cook it as long. Recipe 1 it is!
Update: So I had some meat and mi yuk left over so I tried to do an abridged version of Recipe 1. The meat had already been cooked in a pan (there was too much meat for the original pot) so I skipped ahead and just sauteed the mi yuk. However, when I started pouring the water, the soup stayed a dark brown color - which meant too much soy sauce even though I only put half the soy sauce in. I tried cooking the soup longer, hoping the meat would naturally enhance the flavor but no such luck. I ended up adding more soy sauce to give it a little more flavor but it was never as good as the original pot. Moral of the story: there are no shortcuts to good mi yuk gook. Also, the dried mi yuk packets are way too big for any one pot.
I tried two different techniques for the mi yuk gook. For the most part they were similar in taste, however recipe 2 took longer to cook but resulted in softer meat. I think you can remedy this in recipe 1 by cooking the soup longer.
Recipe 1 (courtesy of korean-cuisine.blogspot.com):
Ingredients:
* 2.5 cups dried miyuk (seaweed)
* 1 TB sesame oil
* 3 TB gook ganjang
* 1/2 TB minced garlic
* 1/3 cup beef (drained of blood)
* 6 cups of water
1 - Take 2.5 cups of mi yuk and break it into smaller pieces before adding the water.
2 - Then add some water and let it sit out for about 20 minutes. It will GROW.
3 - In a pot add 3 TB gook ganjang, 1/2 TB minced garlic, and 2 TB sesame oil.
4 - Add the 1/3 cup of drained meat and saute until it's cooked.
5 - Add the miyuk and stir it around for 5-10 minutes.
6 - Add the 6 cups of water, bring to a boil, and reduce the heat to medium-low and let simmer for up to an hour. You can adjust the flavor with more gook ganjang.
7 - Sprinkle salt, pepper to taste.
Recipe 2 (courtesty of maangchi.com)
Ingredients:
* 4 cups of soaked miyuk (1 cup of dried seaplant)
* 16 cups of water
* 4-5 tbs of gook ganjang
* 200 grams of beef brisket
* 1 tbs of minced garlic
* sesame oil
1 - Soak 1 cup of dried miyuk in a big bowl for at least 30 minutes.
2 - Drain the water from the sea plant and cut it into bite size
3 - Place the soaked sea plant(about 4 cups) in a big pot and add 16 cups of water and boil it over high heat for 20 minutes.(later you may have to add more water if the soup is too thick)
4 - Cut the beef brisket into bite size pieces.
5 - When the water starts boiling (about 20 minutes later), add the beef and 1 tbs of garlic. Boil it again for another 20 or 25 minutes over medium heat.
6 - Add 4 or 5 tbs of ganjang(add more or less depending on your taste) and drizzle a few drops of sesame oil before serving.
With recipe 2, I ended up needing more ganjang than the recipe called for. I thought if I cooked it longer the flavor would come out on it own without having to add any additional ganjang but I cooked and cooked and still needed to add more ganjang. However, all that cooking made the meat super tender - so good!
Conclusion: Recipe 1 was easier to make - mostly because I didn't need to cook it as long. Recipe 1 it is!
Update: So I had some meat and mi yuk left over so I tried to do an abridged version of Recipe 1. The meat had already been cooked in a pan (there was too much meat for the original pot) so I skipped ahead and just sauteed the mi yuk. However, when I started pouring the water, the soup stayed a dark brown color - which meant too much soy sauce even though I only put half the soy sauce in. I tried cooking the soup longer, hoping the meat would naturally enhance the flavor but no such luck. I ended up adding more soy sauce to give it a little more flavor but it was never as good as the original pot. Moral of the story: there are no shortcuts to good mi yuk gook. Also, the dried mi yuk packets are way too big for any one pot.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
A Genuine Moment in Reality TV
Rachel Zoe - Envy of young girls and grown women everywhere.
Celebrities, designers, models just a phone call away.
Closets full of vintage jewelery, haute couture, designer shoes.
Celebrities, designers, models just a phone call away.
Closets full of vintage jewelery, haute couture, designer shoes.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Just when you think I'll zig, I zagged. Thats just how I roll, baby.
Hello everyone!
I know its been a long time since I've posted anything substantial but... I'm going to take a moment and be honest. I'm not talking about "yes, you do look fat" honesty but the honesty of a person who puts her defenses down and tells you what's really going on inside the great wall. Lately, I haven't been myself. I can't quite put my finger on it but there's something amiss. Usually as I go through life, I find myself writing in my head - sometimes journal entries, sometimes interesting things or projects to share, sometimes paragraphs to an unknown story - all of which helped inspire this blog. It was a way for me to sort through the thoughts in my head and make into coherent sentences the mumbles my lips couldn't form and brain couldn't fully comprehend at the time. However, lately I've been out of sorts. And while there have been a lot going on, nothing enough to motivate me to my laptop, log onto blogger and share whats going on - not even a whimsical picture of a celebrity in an age-inappropriate dress.
Life is good - school is finally done, home life is going well and work is stressful and unfulfilling - nothing new. But still, something inside is not right, like a pebble stuck in a shoe - ignorable and still highly functional but not to the best of your abilities. I feel... tired, defeated, overwhelmed, underwhelmed and... I don't know. And thats part of the problem. Unable to pinpoint the block in my way and unwilling to take the necessary time to figure it out, I had no motivation to write. And the fact that it seemed like no one really visited my blog didn't really help either. So with nothing to get me going, the blog went ignored, buried away and labeled under things I used to do.
But its time for a change. Afterall, you can only pull the "I've fallen and I can't get up" excuse for so long and I'm tired of being down - its crimping my style. I'm back - or I'm trying to get there. I'm going to try to post more - regardless of whether anyone's actually out there to hear - I'm going to do this for me. I need an outlet for the madness that goes inside my head. So if you're here, great but if not, its not great but its ok. But I hope you'll stay... and leave a comment here and there... and everywhere.
Man, this was a rough post - I'm definitely rusty in the writing department. Sentence construction required a lot more elbow grease than I remembered. Eloquence is something to work for, I suppose. Its good to have a goal.
I know its been a long time since I've posted anything substantial but... I'm going to take a moment and be honest. I'm not talking about "yes, you do look fat" honesty but the honesty of a person who puts her defenses down and tells you what's really going on inside the great wall. Lately, I haven't been myself. I can't quite put my finger on it but there's something amiss. Usually as I go through life, I find myself writing in my head - sometimes journal entries, sometimes interesting things or projects to share, sometimes paragraphs to an unknown story - all of which helped inspire this blog. It was a way for me to sort through the thoughts in my head and make into coherent sentences the mumbles my lips couldn't form and brain couldn't fully comprehend at the time. However, lately I've been out of sorts. And while there have been a lot going on, nothing enough to motivate me to my laptop, log onto blogger and share whats going on - not even a whimsical picture of a celebrity in an age-inappropriate dress.
Life is good - school is finally done, home life is going well and work is stressful and unfulfilling - nothing new. But still, something inside is not right, like a pebble stuck in a shoe - ignorable and still highly functional but not to the best of your abilities. I feel... tired, defeated, overwhelmed, underwhelmed and... I don't know. And thats part of the problem. Unable to pinpoint the block in my way and unwilling to take the necessary time to figure it out, I had no motivation to write. And the fact that it seemed like no one really visited my blog didn't really help either. So with nothing to get me going, the blog went ignored, buried away and labeled under things I used to do.
But its time for a change. Afterall, you can only pull the "I've fallen and I can't get up" excuse for so long and I'm tired of being down - its crimping my style. I'm back - or I'm trying to get there. I'm going to try to post more - regardless of whether anyone's actually out there to hear - I'm going to do this for me. I need an outlet for the madness that goes inside my head. So if you're here, great but if not, its not great but its ok. But I hope you'll stay... and leave a comment here and there... and everywhere.
Man, this was a rough post - I'm definitely rusty in the writing department. Sentence construction required a lot more elbow grease than I remembered. Eloquence is something to work for, I suppose. Its good to have a goal.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Something in the Making
It may just be some tremblings but I have it on good authority that it may actually turn out to be a blog post. I know its been a while since one of those have been seen around here but I've got a source that informed me of some rumblings thats been going around. Stay tuned, I'll let you know as soon as I hear something.
Ears to the ground, everyone...
Ears to the ground, everyone...
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, March 02, 2009
Jude Apatow's Gang
You've gotta love these boys....
Giving these ladies a run for the money...
Not quite as lovely but they definitely know how to work the camera.
Giving these ladies a run for the money...
Not quite as lovely but they definitely know how to work the camera.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Growing Up
My friend and neighbor stopped by my house today with her kid. I think the last time I saw her son he was just learning to crawl. Actually, I didn't see him crawl; I had heard about it since we had met up after he had gone to sleep so the last time I saw him was... at a wedding in the summer? Lets just say its been a while. Anyway, my friend and I chatted for a few minutes and made promises to catch up later that week. Then she took her son's hand and as I watched them walk away, I realized that my friend was now really a mom. Yes, she's been a mom for a while, but watching her take her son's hand while trying to make conversation (consisting of one syllable words), I finally saw her in that "mom" light. The one where priorities shift away from having fun to spending time with her family and spends her Saturdays cheering from the sidelines at her kid's basketball game. And it was then I realized that I was getting older.
Its funny how these moment become enlightenments. Yes, I'm married, have a steady job and celebrate my birthday every year but still in the midst of it all, I forgot that as life was happening, it was also progressing. That I'm closer to 30 that I am to 20 (this is the one time where reminding myself that 30 is the new 20 doesn't work), that gravity is no longer my friend and I'm more likely to break a hip than break it down (ok, that one is a bit of a stretch). But living life day to day, I forget that I'm getting older since I feel the same inside. At least until I look in the mirror and see the new lines forming on my face. I know that as we get older and have children, life will become more fulfilling (at least thats what I'm hearing). But I can't but sometimes long for the days where life was filled with shortlived yet carefree moments.
Its funny how these moment become enlightenments. Yes, I'm married, have a steady job and celebrate my birthday every year but still in the midst of it all, I forgot that as life was happening, it was also progressing. That I'm closer to 30 that I am to 20 (this is the one time where reminding myself that 30 is the new 20 doesn't work), that gravity is no longer my friend and I'm more likely to break a hip than break it down (ok, that one is a bit of a stretch). But living life day to day, I forget that I'm getting older since I feel the same inside. At least until I look in the mirror and see the new lines forming on my face. I know that as we get older and have children, life will become more fulfilling (at least thats what I'm hearing). But I can't but sometimes long for the days where life was filled with shortlived yet carefree moments.
Miss Cranky Pants in the House
Every Saturday at 8:30 in the freaking morning, you can find me sulking in class, arms folded with a "Do not disturb" look posted on my face. I don't know what it is about this Masters program that makes me so angry but for the 8 hours I'm sitting in that classroom, I am not a happy camper. Actually, I'm downright agitated, peevish and sometimes even angry. Maybe its because I feel like our program is the bastard child of GW, concocted only to swindle money out of working professionals who were lured in with the promise of a worthwhile education at a rapid pace. Or maybe its because half the professors are unqualified to teach and spend most of the 3.5 hours reciting a monologue that only makes sense to them and no one else. Or it could be the fact that nothing is well organized (a personal pet peeve) as evidenced by the last minute scheduling, the router that doesn't accommodate the number of students in the building and the fact that the accounting department has yet to get anything right. Any (or probably all) of the reasons drive me crazy to no end and every Saturday is a reminder of how my hard earned money is being sucked out by the money-grubbing GW. So every Saturday I sit in the classroom, pissed and peeved. And out from my mouth comes smart-aleck comments and death ray stares. One time I badgered a group with questions until the professor finally said enough. I'm not proud of these moments. In fact, if I ever saw any of my classmates or even worse, my teachers, out of the classroom, I'd be too embarassed to say hi because I'm really not the horrible kid I portray in class. But every Saturday, I find myself crossing my arms and posting the sign "Beware of dog".
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Miley Cyrus is the Devil
We interrupt this blog to tell you that Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana, aka Disney's Golden Child is the devil. Pictures of her making fun of Asians and their slanty eyes have surfaced throughout the web and her only response was that it wasn't mean to be insulting. Right because when I puff out my face and stick out my teeth, I'm not making fun of Miley either.
Please take time to write letters to the heads of Disney. Facebook groups and emails tend to get lost in cyberspace so please dust off that pen and get out that paper and send your letters to:
Michael Poryes (Executive Producer/Creato! ! r Hannah Montana)
c/o Debbee Klein
Paradigm
360 N. Crescent Dr., North Bldg.
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
USA
Steven Peterman (Executive Producer/Creator Hannah Montana)
c/o It's A Laugh Productions
201 N Occidental Blvd Bldg 6
Los Angeles, CA 90026
USA
Rich Ross
President, Disney Channel Worldwide
3800 W Alameda Ave #2026
Burbank, CA 91505
USA
Please take time to write letters to the heads of Disney. Facebook groups and emails tend to get lost in cyberspace so please dust off that pen and get out that paper and send your letters to:
Michael Poryes (Executive Producer/Creato! ! r Hannah Montana)
c/o Debbee Klein
Paradigm
360 N. Crescent Dr., North Bldg.
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
USA
Steven Peterman (Executive Producer/Creator Hannah Montana)
c/o It's A Laugh Productions
201 N Occidental Blvd Bldg 6
Los Angeles, CA 90026
USA
Rich Ross
President, Disney Channel Worldwide
3800 W Alameda Ave #2026
Burbank, CA 91505
USA
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The price of saying 'no' at work
Note: I found this article on CNN and thought it was a good read- especially for women. But for men as well as they often don't know the hurdles that women go through.
Last year my 26-year-old assistant asked me to write her a recommendation for business school. I was happy to help. For two years, Megan had worked around the clock, or so it surely felt to her, bringing insight to my work and order to my life.
The price of saying 'no' at work
And so when I sat down to compose my letter to the school that had become her number one choice, my goal was to convey praise of the highest order, the kind that wouldn't fail to impress prototypical Powers That Be.
At last, the right words struck me. "No matter what the request," I wrote, "Megan's answer is always yes."
She got in. Now, I'm not saying my recommendation was the reason. She had grades and test scores going for her, too. But when someone says yes all the time, she tends to find that doors open, and that the elevator is usually going up.
She also tends to find, in due time, that she's exhausted, or at least torn in too many directions -- between work, family, friends, and all the messy rest of life. Indeed, a decade or two out, halfway up the career ladder or higher, a yes-yes-yes woman will discover that she wants to start saying no sometimes.
But can she? Can any woman in a fast-paced, high-powered career ever stop saying yes -- without self-destructing? Oprah.com: 54 ways to say no
I've debated that question with a group of my friends for about 20 years now. I've also discussed the "yes question" more recently with about a half-dozen women who are our heroes -- friends and colleagues who have made it to the very top of their professions with their lives looking, well, perfect.
The president of a large consumer company with the romantic husband of 35 years and three great kids in college. The consulting firm CEO who was elected class mother at her third grader's school and sits on two prestigious boards. The respected anesthesiologist who finds the time to run marathons with her husband and sing in a choir with her three children. (Maddeningly, these women are not composites; they're completely real. We agreed to leave their names out of this article and alter minor identifying details for privacy reasons.)
These super achievers would be the first to tell you that they do not have it all together. They have their little crises. They forget birthdays; they're late to staff meetings and soccer games more often than they'd like. They cry in the car every now and again. That's no shock, really; everyone's life has ragged edges and little dings.
What is more of a surprise, to me at least, is how much these superwomen tend to agree about the "yes question" as they reflect on their career bumps and bruises, many sustained from falling off the ladder and scrambling to get back on.
Go ahead, they'd all tell you, say no anytime you want. Say no to the relocation 500 miles away from the one house and one town that your kids know as home. Say no to working one weekend so you can be with your ailing father before it's too late. Say no to the client who wants it done tomorrow so you can go on the vacation you've been planning for a year with your best friend. But before you utter that word, know the consequences of that answer, or, as my friend the corporate president calls it dryly: the consequence kickback.
"You can say no, and you can restore some order and balance to your life," she says. "And your career can even thrive, but you will have narrowed the opportunities. That's the way it is."
She should know. She is 56, and after two decades with her company, she had become so successful and powerful that her name was beginning to appear on the short list for its next CEO. Then, five years ago, when the firm was acquired, she was asked to move to headquarters, now located in another part of the country. She declined.
The result: "I am highly regarded now," she says, "but I am no longer in the inner sanctum."
"Is it painful?" I asked her. There was a pause, and then she replied, "Well, I hate it. But I'd hate busting apart our lives more." As for her husband, an artist, she said, "He'd move, but it would be crushingly lonely for him in another city.
"Look," she added, "I've spent a fair amount of my career saying yes. I've learned, of course, to say no occasionally to the small things, just to keep it sane at home. About five years ago, I turned down a 15-day trip to Asia that would have been very good for my career. These days, I generally won't look at e-mail on Sundays. But there's no question I will tell my daughter to say yes at work for a long time if she wants to get to the top. Right now I am living the consequences of saying a big no. Luckily I am old enough to know it was the right choice. But it was a choice."
I repeated this story to another friend -- the consulting firm CEO -- and she nearly fell off her chair at the restaurant where we were sharing a quick lunch before she ran off to a meeting. "How could she not move?" she cried in disbelief. "After all she fought for all those years? To give it up at the end? That's crazy. It's awful."
I asked her if a professional can ever say no if she wants to get ahead. "Never, never, never" was her instantaneous reply.
Some context: This is a woman who delayed having her two children until she was 41 because she loved her job so much. With her husband's support, she's made her career paramount in her life. Many of the country's most powerful CEOs rely on her counsel.
"You know why I never say no?" she asked me that day. "Because I think about the consequences of someone else saying yes. Someone else gets my piece of the franchise."
"But what about the personal price?" I asked. I reminded her of a Christmas dinner party a year back. Thirteen of us, including her husband, laughed, ate, drank, and sang all night long as the snow fell gently outside, while she stayed at the office working with a client in crisis mode. "Fine, fine," she snapped. "You know, I miss my teacher conferences, too. I miss school picnics. That is why I am at the top."
At which moment, she dropped her voice and leaned in. "To get where I am," she said, "I have given up so much. My job has inflicted untold brutality on my marriage. Untold brutality on my life. I will not start saying no and take the hit in my career, too. The price I've paid is already high enough." Oprah.com: Are you struggling to balance work and family?
I gently mentioned that she is the CEO -- the top boss. Doesn't that give her the freedom to leave at 5 p.m., even one day a week? Again, a quick and decisive answer. "It is this hunger and insecurity that has made me CEO," she said. "Man or woman, winners go to work every day never letting up. Never letting their guard down for one second."
I couldn't wait to take these comments -- indeed, this entire version of reality -- to my friend the anesthesiologist. She is not a boss, but she is a member of a much-admired team at one of the country's best hospitals. Her life seems to contain remarkable flexibility. She's always competing in some road race or another, or practicing a song with one of her kids. Could a successful woman who wasn't particularly interested in climbing the ladder any higher say no with more ease? Or did her choice to stay put -- and her nonboss status -- make it even harder?
When I asked her if she ever says no at work, her reaction is to laugh sardonically. "It's a bit of a shell game," she said. "I said yes to every request for probably 15 years. I took the hardest cases, worked the worst hours, volunteered on holidays -- I'd do anything to make it into the hospital on those snow days when other doctors couldn't get their cars out of their garages. I stockpiled goodwill as if a nuclear war were coming." That strategy, she said, is what allows her to say no -- selectively -- now, and like magic, her life appears balanced. "In reality," she told me, "I paid up front."
Her husband, also a doctor, was listening in on our conversation. "She is also damned good at what she does," he said. "It helps a lot that she's made herself indispensable. The other docs desperately need her brain on the team."
His remark led to the three of us comparing notes on the professional women we've known who've started their careers with the boldly stated goal of work-life balance. "I've seen them a million times," my friend said, rolling her eyes. "They come in right after their residencies and immediately start trying to negotiate time off. Everyone can't stand them. They get managed right out. You can't say no until you've earned it, unless, of course, you're willing to pay the price of irrelevancy."
With that one comment, all the voices I'd been hearing began to harmonize. The question, I realized, is not whether you always have to say yes or when you can start saying no, but how you want to live your life. How much your identity is connected to career success. How fast you want your career to unfold and where you would like it to end up. There are as many answers to those questions as there are women.
And men. To be fair, men make career choices and feel their consequences, too, although usually not with the same blunt force as women. Oprah.com: 6 steps to a regret-free life
"My husband can say yes at work without too much hand-wringing," one of my stay-at-home friends said of her spouse, a senior manager at a high-tech company, "because I can clean up the mess when he does. Like when he said yes to the Denver transfer. I was packing the house and interviewing new pediatricians and everything else. He didn't have to think about any of that. His yes was easier."
Even my working friends find their husbands can say yes to career choices with less angst because they know their wives will "mop up the logistics," as a partner in a PR firm I know puts it. When her husband, a lawyer, was asked to run his department and then the entire organization, she said, "it did not dawn on him how the kids would feel about his basically vanishing all of a sudden." To get through that period, she said, "I went to work, came home early, took the hit for saying no to a few clients, and fronted for him. And if I hadn't told him what I was doing for our lives, he wouldn't have noticed."
Her words, it is important to say here, were not angry or bitter. She loves her husband. She loves her job; she quickly regained lost ground. And she did that by saying yes to every challenge put in her path for a few months afterward.
Will she say no again someday?
Maybe. The choice will be hers. So, too, will the consequences -- and the lives these decisions create for all of us.
Source: CNN.com
Last year my 26-year-old assistant asked me to write her a recommendation for business school. I was happy to help. For two years, Megan had worked around the clock, or so it surely felt to her, bringing insight to my work and order to my life.
The price of saying 'no' at work
And so when I sat down to compose my letter to the school that had become her number one choice, my goal was to convey praise of the highest order, the kind that wouldn't fail to impress prototypical Powers That Be.
At last, the right words struck me. "No matter what the request," I wrote, "Megan's answer is always yes."
She got in. Now, I'm not saying my recommendation was the reason. She had grades and test scores going for her, too. But when someone says yes all the time, she tends to find that doors open, and that the elevator is usually going up.
She also tends to find, in due time, that she's exhausted, or at least torn in too many directions -- between work, family, friends, and all the messy rest of life. Indeed, a decade or two out, halfway up the career ladder or higher, a yes-yes-yes woman will discover that she wants to start saying no sometimes.
But can she? Can any woman in a fast-paced, high-powered career ever stop saying yes -- without self-destructing? Oprah.com: 54 ways to say no
I've debated that question with a group of my friends for about 20 years now. I've also discussed the "yes question" more recently with about a half-dozen women who are our heroes -- friends and colleagues who have made it to the very top of their professions with their lives looking, well, perfect.
The president of a large consumer company with the romantic husband of 35 years and three great kids in college. The consulting firm CEO who was elected class mother at her third grader's school and sits on two prestigious boards. The respected anesthesiologist who finds the time to run marathons with her husband and sing in a choir with her three children. (Maddeningly, these women are not composites; they're completely real. We agreed to leave their names out of this article and alter minor identifying details for privacy reasons.)
These super achievers would be the first to tell you that they do not have it all together. They have their little crises. They forget birthdays; they're late to staff meetings and soccer games more often than they'd like. They cry in the car every now and again. That's no shock, really; everyone's life has ragged edges and little dings.
What is more of a surprise, to me at least, is how much these superwomen tend to agree about the "yes question" as they reflect on their career bumps and bruises, many sustained from falling off the ladder and scrambling to get back on.
Go ahead, they'd all tell you, say no anytime you want. Say no to the relocation 500 miles away from the one house and one town that your kids know as home. Say no to working one weekend so you can be with your ailing father before it's too late. Say no to the client who wants it done tomorrow so you can go on the vacation you've been planning for a year with your best friend. But before you utter that word, know the consequences of that answer, or, as my friend the corporate president calls it dryly: the consequence kickback.
"You can say no, and you can restore some order and balance to your life," she says. "And your career can even thrive, but you will have narrowed the opportunities. That's the way it is."
She should know. She is 56, and after two decades with her company, she had become so successful and powerful that her name was beginning to appear on the short list for its next CEO. Then, five years ago, when the firm was acquired, she was asked to move to headquarters, now located in another part of the country. She declined.
The result: "I am highly regarded now," she says, "but I am no longer in the inner sanctum."
"Is it painful?" I asked her. There was a pause, and then she replied, "Well, I hate it. But I'd hate busting apart our lives more." As for her husband, an artist, she said, "He'd move, but it would be crushingly lonely for him in another city.
"Look," she added, "I've spent a fair amount of my career saying yes. I've learned, of course, to say no occasionally to the small things, just to keep it sane at home. About five years ago, I turned down a 15-day trip to Asia that would have been very good for my career. These days, I generally won't look at e-mail on Sundays. But there's no question I will tell my daughter to say yes at work for a long time if she wants to get to the top. Right now I am living the consequences of saying a big no. Luckily I am old enough to know it was the right choice. But it was a choice."
I repeated this story to another friend -- the consulting firm CEO -- and she nearly fell off her chair at the restaurant where we were sharing a quick lunch before she ran off to a meeting. "How could she not move?" she cried in disbelief. "After all she fought for all those years? To give it up at the end? That's crazy. It's awful."
I asked her if a professional can ever say no if she wants to get ahead. "Never, never, never" was her instantaneous reply.
Some context: This is a woman who delayed having her two children until she was 41 because she loved her job so much. With her husband's support, she's made her career paramount in her life. Many of the country's most powerful CEOs rely on her counsel.
"You know why I never say no?" she asked me that day. "Because I think about the consequences of someone else saying yes. Someone else gets my piece of the franchise."
"But what about the personal price?" I asked. I reminded her of a Christmas dinner party a year back. Thirteen of us, including her husband, laughed, ate, drank, and sang all night long as the snow fell gently outside, while she stayed at the office working with a client in crisis mode. "Fine, fine," she snapped. "You know, I miss my teacher conferences, too. I miss school picnics. That is why I am at the top."
At which moment, she dropped her voice and leaned in. "To get where I am," she said, "I have given up so much. My job has inflicted untold brutality on my marriage. Untold brutality on my life. I will not start saying no and take the hit in my career, too. The price I've paid is already high enough." Oprah.com: Are you struggling to balance work and family?
I gently mentioned that she is the CEO -- the top boss. Doesn't that give her the freedom to leave at 5 p.m., even one day a week? Again, a quick and decisive answer. "It is this hunger and insecurity that has made me CEO," she said. "Man or woman, winners go to work every day never letting up. Never letting their guard down for one second."
I couldn't wait to take these comments -- indeed, this entire version of reality -- to my friend the anesthesiologist. She is not a boss, but she is a member of a much-admired team at one of the country's best hospitals. Her life seems to contain remarkable flexibility. She's always competing in some road race or another, or practicing a song with one of her kids. Could a successful woman who wasn't particularly interested in climbing the ladder any higher say no with more ease? Or did her choice to stay put -- and her nonboss status -- make it even harder?
When I asked her if she ever says no at work, her reaction is to laugh sardonically. "It's a bit of a shell game," she said. "I said yes to every request for probably 15 years. I took the hardest cases, worked the worst hours, volunteered on holidays -- I'd do anything to make it into the hospital on those snow days when other doctors couldn't get their cars out of their garages. I stockpiled goodwill as if a nuclear war were coming." That strategy, she said, is what allows her to say no -- selectively -- now, and like magic, her life appears balanced. "In reality," she told me, "I paid up front."
Her husband, also a doctor, was listening in on our conversation. "She is also damned good at what she does," he said. "It helps a lot that she's made herself indispensable. The other docs desperately need her brain on the team."
His remark led to the three of us comparing notes on the professional women we've known who've started their careers with the boldly stated goal of work-life balance. "I've seen them a million times," my friend said, rolling her eyes. "They come in right after their residencies and immediately start trying to negotiate time off. Everyone can't stand them. They get managed right out. You can't say no until you've earned it, unless, of course, you're willing to pay the price of irrelevancy."
With that one comment, all the voices I'd been hearing began to harmonize. The question, I realized, is not whether you always have to say yes or when you can start saying no, but how you want to live your life. How much your identity is connected to career success. How fast you want your career to unfold and where you would like it to end up. There are as many answers to those questions as there are women.
And men. To be fair, men make career choices and feel their consequences, too, although usually not with the same blunt force as women. Oprah.com: 6 steps to a regret-free life
"My husband can say yes at work without too much hand-wringing," one of my stay-at-home friends said of her spouse, a senior manager at a high-tech company, "because I can clean up the mess when he does. Like when he said yes to the Denver transfer. I was packing the house and interviewing new pediatricians and everything else. He didn't have to think about any of that. His yes was easier."
Even my working friends find their husbands can say yes to career choices with less angst because they know their wives will "mop up the logistics," as a partner in a PR firm I know puts it. When her husband, a lawyer, was asked to run his department and then the entire organization, she said, "it did not dawn on him how the kids would feel about his basically vanishing all of a sudden." To get through that period, she said, "I went to work, came home early, took the hit for saying no to a few clients, and fronted for him. And if I hadn't told him what I was doing for our lives, he wouldn't have noticed."
Her words, it is important to say here, were not angry or bitter. She loves her husband. She loves her job; she quickly regained lost ground. And she did that by saying yes to every challenge put in her path for a few months afterward.
Will she say no again someday?
Maybe. The choice will be hers. So, too, will the consequences -- and the lives these decisions create for all of us.
Source: CNN.com
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Have You Heard Anything More Absurd?
Gwenyth Palthrow has announced that she is coming out with a cookbook. That woman is as thick as my arms and has gone on record of being on a macrobiotic diet. What is a macrobiotic diet? Pretty much all your can eat is water and bark. Who's going to want her recipes? They're probably all the same... two cups of water with a dash of air and a sprinkle of diet pills. Deeeee-lish.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Bo-rrrrrring!!!
Dear Kate, you've been killing it with your recent magazine covers but this look is boring! Its a plain silhouette in the most boring color and the only thing spicing it up is the overpriced diamond keychain hanging around your belt. I'm going to do you a favor and pretend like it never happen and trust that you'll do better for the Oscars. In return, you should dedicate the Oscar to me. Then mail it over. And not be mad when you see it on ebay.
Jenna Fischer Needs to Hire A Stylist
Jenna, you are on my absolute favorite show so it pains me to say this - that dress is hideous. Ok, not hideous if you're wearing it to a bridal shower but for the Golden Globes - Oscar's younger sibling? You might as well have draped your grandmother's curtains. I know, I know, you're going for that boho-chic look but leave it to the Olson twins and try glam - you can only go up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)